I have not posted anything in a very long time. In fact I can not remember the last time I have written anything on the computer that can be conciderd a journal entry... I have spent most of my life emotionally unstable. I am unable to feel pain like most people. I cut myself I feel pain. I find out my little stepbrother that is turning two in three months has a tumor in the brain and will not live to see with birthday...I feel nothing. Emotions have never been a part of my life. And yet now I feel that I am trying to get past my problems and have a serious relationahip with a woman. But I cannot seem to open myself up to her, I cannot seem to understand what it is I am to do to show that I care for her. And that she has helped me so much in this time of me trying to find out who I really am.